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Mother’s Day 2021

May 9, 2021

In the month following my mom’s passing, I came to a place of acceptance. With acceptance came an immense sense of gratitude.

I wasn’t grateful for her passing, but I was grateful for how things worked out in the previous years.

Becoming a mom to Cedar almost ten years ago was an opportunity for healing for my mom and me.

We had had some turbulent times in the years prior. I had harbored anger towards my her. Fortunately though, through my own healing work, I had learned how to forgive.

If it had been up to me, I would not have consciously chosen the time in which I became a mom. That seemed like something to come much later in my life.

Part of my gratitude after my mom passed was because of the timing in which becoming a mom transpired.

My mom planned her trip for two weeks after Cedar’s due date. Cedar decided to arrive two and a half weeks after her due date. My mom was able to be a part of my birth story in bringing Cedar into this world.

My stubborn, independent self didn’t think I needed my mom there. I wanted to do it all myself. When it felt really hard, I leaned on my mom.

During my mom’s last days of speaking in this world, she shared with me how meaningful and important it was to her to be present at and witness Cedar’s birth. It bonded her to Cedar in a special way. She said she fell in love with John when she witnessed how he took care of me through that long process.

Today, Cedar gifted me three homemade things: a card, a bouquet of hearts made of paper and pipecleaners (each heart had something written she loves about me), and a sewn sleeve with slots for my journal, post-it notes, and pen. For the last gift, she had snuck my items away to take custom measurements for each item.

As she brought each gift out to me, all I could think and say was how sweet and thoughtful she is.

She loves holidays and birthdays and goes out of her way to celebrate and acknowledge the person(s) of the day. I’m the polar opposite – holidays are challenging for me. My mom though was just as Cedar is – incredibly thoughtful and giving. Cedar learned all that from my mom.

Although my mom isn’t physically here today, I was able to see her in Cedar.

I’m still grateful for how things happened. We made the best of the time of the years she had left, and she still lives on through her grandchildren.

Happy Mother’s Day to you all. May you all feel what it means to be unconditionally loved, whether it’s from another or from yourself. <3

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