Isaiah Rustad Hbabozyh0yi Unsplash

It’s Okay To Say No

August 19, 2021

How often do you default to “yes”?

Is it hard to say “no”?

I came to realize relatively recently that my desire to please meant my default was to consider how I could entertain the requests of others. And, I did so at the expense of addressing my own needs, desires, and goals.

It’s amazing how long we can live with certain patterns and behaviors and not be aware of them being dysfunctional and contributing to our own disharmony.

The knowingness came as sensations in my body, resentment, and frustration. My awareness came as I recognized wanting to say “no” and observing what an unfamiliar response this was for me.

It forced me to entertain what beliefs I held around what saying “no” means. What does it say about me if I don’t want to help another? Does saying “no” equate to not being friendly? What if I’m viewed as “not friendly”? What need is being fulfilled within me by being needed by another?

I saw how my energy and focus has been pulled in so many directions by defaulting to “yes”, and as a result, I put myself on the backburner.

I came to see that to create what I want in my life, saying “no” would have to become my default.

Saying “no” means committing to myself.

Some may view this as selfish. That is a common societal programming. Imagine though, if we all prioritized ourselves and filled our own cups.

What is your default? I encourage you to pay attention if you haven’t done so before. Do you say “yes” even when it doesn’t feel good or right to you? Remember, you can say “no”.

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